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Author: Anonymous
I grew up in a very conservative Southern Baptist Minister's home. Growing up, I was somewhat of a tomboy - climbing trees, catching bugs, playing football with the guys. My mother insisted on my being feminine, however, when I hit middle school, so I started wearing makeup and having sleepovers. I "went steady" with several boys in junior high, but that consisted only of writing notes in school - never going out or holding hands or anything.

When I hit high school, I had more guy friends than girl friends. Even when I went to college, I dated guys, but still there were girls I wish I had gotten closer to. Through a series of mishaps (skiing accident and surgery), I ended up dating and eventually marrying a great guy. We were more like brother and sister than husband and wife. We had a daughter and externally everything seemed lovely. On the inside I was still struggling with who I was, but couldn’t quite figure out what was wrong with my life.

I went to work for a company which employed several open lesbians – the first I’d ever know. I felt an instant attraction to them - something that I couldn't place my finger on, but I knew that "something” was unlike anything I'd felt before. We all worked together for two and a half years and the entire time I was struggling with my internal feelings. Not so much for those individuals, but because I was beginning to understand why I had been unhappy for all those years. But again, because of my upbringing, allowing myself to explore those thoughts and feelings was just not allowed. I also met several men who were gay, one of whom I developed a close friendship with. He treated me like a sister, and allowed me to begin to see that there were many G&L people in my local community.

I left that company due to a corporate buyout and went to work for a staffing company. There I met several more lesbians, all of who worked for me. We became friends and begin to do things together after work. My marriage was on the rocks. I began to understand that I was not who I had pretended to be for all of my life. I still wasn't quite sure WHAT or WHO I was, but I knew that I was not supposed to be married to a man. We separated. I eventually went out with one of my lesbian friends. We went to the movies. While in the movies, she touched my hand, by accident. It was like a lightening bolt had struck me. All of a sudden, it was obvious what I had been struggling with all those years. I finally allowed myself to be open to the fact that I was a lesbian. I went home that night and called my guy friend. I told him what had happened. We were on the phone for hours, discussing all my "options". I knew that if I made the decision to come out, I would lose my family, and possibly my daughter.

For me, it was not a lifestyle choice, but a life choice. The years of depression and struggling had to come to an end. I began to date the friend I had gone to the movies with, but it was obviously from the start that this was just what I like to refer to as my "necessary transition relationship". We were not compatible. We both knew it, and the relationship only last a couple of months. It was not a deeply intimate relationship, but simply allowing myself to have open feelings for another woman was enough to confirm to myself what I had to do. I came out to my middle sister, whom I thought had the greatest chance of being open-minded. At first, she and her husband were supportive. Little did I know that she soon outed me not only to my family, but also to my husband, and many of our mutual friends. I was devastated! But I made the decision to continue down the road I had started on, and I began to rely on my G&L friends more and more.

I should explain at this point that I had been going to a primarily G&L church for a few months before I decided to come out. The congregation is very conservative in their theology, and except for not viewing homosexuality as a sin, is very much like a Southern Baptist church. I felt instantly at home there and was able to gain a lot of strength and support from my new found family. Our church has a bar ministry - on the Saturday night before a major holiday, several people from the church go to the local G&L club and pass out candy and church contact cards to people there. It's a way to let people in our community know that just because you are gay, it doesn't mean that you can't be a Christian or find a church that will accept you. My life was soon to change forever because of that ministry.

July 4th has always been a favorite holiday of mine. There was a large group from the church going to the bar the Saturday night before the 4th for bar ministry, and I was invited to attend. I couldn't make up my mind on whether or not to go, because I wasn't sure I was quite ready for that whole experience. Remember, I am a preacher's daughter, and not used to such worldly experiences.  I decided at the last minute to go and I met the group at the local coffee house before going down the street to the bar. It was there I met the love of my life. We talked throughout the night and when the bar shut down at 3, she drove me to my car, parked down the road. We hugged and exchanged numbers, and decided to meet at church that morning for Sunday Services. I didn't know bar etiquette, so as soon as I got home, I called and left a message on her machine saying that I was glad we had met and I hoped to see her at church.  She called me as soon as she got home and heard the message. We talked on the phone until 8:30 that morning. We had to be at church at 10; so neither one of us had any sleep. We spent the day with my friend Kent and his partner. It was instant attraction for both of us. We spent the 4th of July together and that weekend, for my birthday, she threw me a HUGE birthday party - inviting all of her friends to meet me. We had only known each other a week at this point, but we knew something was there.

She has been out since she was 19 - she was 33 when we met. She had all the confidence I longed for. She could answer all my questions, and she
had patience with me when I struggled with telling people close to me that I was a lesbian. I began to love her like I had loved no other person. I had a personal conflict with my relationship with her because she was not a
Christian. She had not been raised in church, and didn't understand that she needed to make Jesus Lord of her life. Many people in the G&L community
think that accepting Christ as your personal Lord and Savior means that you must live a "straight" lifestyle. Jesus says "come as you are", not "come
as people expect you to be". God made us gay, why would Christ expect us to be any different than He created us? (Sorry, I'll get off my soap box.) After  several months of struggling, she began to see that she needed Christ in her life. Soon after she gave her life to Christ, we became engaged. After a year of dating, we were married at our church. I then changed my name legally to her last name.

It's been nearly two years now since then. I am as out as I can be – with friends, co-workers, and my family. My friends and co-workers have no problems. My middle sister has come back around to being supportive, and had begun to develop a relationship with my wife.  The rest of my family, on the other hand, is a different story.

My parents and my youngest sister and her husband, offer no acceptance and no tolerance. They continue to include my ex-husband to family events and refuse to acknowledge my wife. They put pressure on my daughter to not accept her. Because of the laws of my state, my daughter lives with her father, but we see each other every week. 

I wrestle with showing respect for my parents and their feelings, and honoring my commitment to my wife. Scriptures tell us that when we marry,
we  are to "leave and cleave". I've come to the decision that I must honor the commitment to my wife, out of love and respect for our relationship. My parents have told me that they will never accept my lifestyle or the new
 life that I am living. I can respect their decision, but each of us must live with consequences of our decisions.

What have I lost in coming out?  Depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and yes, a relationship with my parents and one sister. What have I gained? Freedom, confidence, pride, love, self-acceptance. I have a wonderful life, with an adoring wife, and I am closer to God than I have ever been. I have a new extended family that is supportive and loving. I am much closer to some of  them than I have been with my parents in years. What do I hope the future  holds for my life? Continued support and love from my daughter. Family  expansion – my wife  and I are currently trying to have a child. Tolerance  from the rest of my family (acceptance is too much to hope for).

 I know this is long story, and I've left out many details. Even though some parents don't always accept or understand their child's lifestyle, it is  possible for that child to live a happy and satisfied life.